Why do gay men marry women
Asarchaicas it might sound, even with all the media hype, touting celebratory strides forward for LGBTQ rights, there's still a dirty small societal secret getting brushed under the rug gay men, in droves, are still being forced, shamed, and belief-poisoned to do the right thing -- marry heterosexual women even though they (the men) grasp they're gay.
Now, before you glass house dwellers commence throwing your vicious verbal and judgmental assaults, I encourage you to swear on a stack of Bible's that you've stood in a gay man's shoes, pummeled emotionally and intellectually by family, church, and society's pressure to be the heterosexual marrying kind. Yes, stand in his shoes and form sure they fit perfectly like Cinderella's glass slipper, before you open your condescending, wicked stepsister, sneering mouth.
If you haven't lived and breathed sexual orientation confusion, felt gay shame, or laid awake at night wishing that you really could pray the gay away, then honestly, you've nothing to contribute to this discussion and everything to learn from reading further as to why so
I recently spoke with Bonnie Kaye, author of Straight Wives, Shattered Lives: Stories of Women with Gay Husbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wives Talk Show on BlogTalkRadio. Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first living with and attempting to love a gay husband and then helping other women in the similar mis-marriage situation. (“Mis-marriage” is Bonnie’s term for “mistake in marriage.” Other people sometimes refer to these relationships using the term “mixed marriage.”)
Source: Shutterstock
Because I know countless gay men who were once married to straight women, with varying degrees of short and longer-term happiness and misery, I wanted to discuss this topic, and I wanted to do so from the straight wives’ perspective. Who better to converse with about this than Bonnie Kaye? Our discussion was wide-ranging, beginning with her own marriage to a gay man and progressing to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually becoming a rock for other women in similar situations.
In this announce, I have presented part one of this discussion, the st
My Husband’s Not Gay, a show on TLC, has caused an uproar. The negative attention is unfortunate because this could have been a show that highlighted mixed-orientation couples and how these couples can actually make their relationships work.
Why do some people become so outspoken and judgmental about marriages with one straight and one gay spouse? There are several reasons. These marriages raise concerns about infidelity. They deliver out people’s judgments about what marriage should or should not be. In particular, they deliver out people’s judgments about monogamy.
Finally, these relationships suggest to some people “reparative therapy,” the unethical and impossible claim that a person can be changed from gay to straight. The men in this television program aren’t claiming to be ex-gay nor that they can change their sexual orientation (at least not on the show). They report they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay noun and their straight wives accept this.
People seem to earn up in arms when a noun says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men. In our cultu
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to make eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost scared to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, displaying all the markers of an anxious male in the throes of shame. He was a modern client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a prolonged time to muster the courage to call and verb an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I deliberate I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I include worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with being in the closet or wanting to emerge from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to give my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a adj years ago. That presentation led to other oppor